Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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