he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
