He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
