Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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