covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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