Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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