Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
