this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
