I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
