I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
