i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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