I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
