Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
