Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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