wrigley field is MILF paradise
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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