I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
