she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
