I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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