i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
