the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
