I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
