Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
