be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
