I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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