Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
