So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
