Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
