Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
