dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
