I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
