The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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