I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
