Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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