I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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