Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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