If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
