Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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