if i can run in heels then i can drive
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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