ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
