He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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