Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
