I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
