I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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