Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
