so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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