i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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