I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
