i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
