i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
