my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
