Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You ruined the universe
Randomize
