so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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