shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
