worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
