i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
